One of the gravest mistake anyone can make is to go into a relationship with the sole aim of changing their status. If you are not ready for a relationship there is a little chance that it will work. This raises the logical question of whether love is sufficient for someone to desire a relationship?
Few weeks ago while discussing with a guy that reached out to talk about the woes of his relationship, I discovered that most people force their ways into relationships as a means of leveling up, proving a point or curing their cravings. So, to the single people desperately longing for a relationship to make them whole, take a minute to ask yourself why you want one badly. If your reason isn’t as convincing as the urge then it is an excuse to do the right thing for the wrong reason.
The guy in question explained that his relationship had gotten boring. I asked if that was a factor of his other half but he was quick to vindicate her of any wrong doing. I probed further by requesting to know why the relationship was boring him. He responded,
“I no longer feel that fire burn within me like it used to. I used to be happy when am around her. When we began I was never myself in her presence. I know I love her, I still do, but the puzzle just doesn’t fit any longer. The relationship just feels boring all of a sudden.”
He sounded confused but I could detect the sincerity in his answers. It is very possible to love someone and not want them anymore. It goes to show that there has been a decline in the way you used to feel about them. The spark has gone missing, therefore you have migrated from being in love with them to just loving them. Please note that the best relationships thrive on the efforts of two individual who are continuously in love with each other, against all odds. Once a party decides to be absent there is nothing the other can do; to hide is different from getting lost.
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I asked our brother, “What made you fall in love with her in the first place?” He didn’t reply his chat for over 3 hours. When he eventually did, his response was,
“I guess it was because of how she looked. She was my spec.”
“What is your spec?”
“Melanin popping, portable body and long hair”
“Is that all?”
Trust me, I told him he didn’t know what he wanted then, he doesn’t know what he wants now. When you have to guess why you are in a relationship, you don’t deserve that relationship.
“How old is this relationship?”
“And you guys have had sex?”
“Is it safe to say that her body no longer appeals to you?”
I had my answer. He wanted sex but used love as an excuse. He got enough of it, wanted to leave but guilt won’t let him so he reached out for a validation. On the poor girl’s account I told him to end the relationship.
If anyone comes calling for your heart, don’t just ask them what they want from you; ask them why they want. Before you start any dating, don’t be satisfied with the fact that you want it, be sure of why you need it. Don’t waste time with the wrong person because you don’t know where you stand. Don’t waste someone’s time because you don’t know what you want.
It is called a relationship, not a vacation.
Written by Femi Fragile