MARRIED TO A STRANGER
I used to be a hardworking and intelligent lady. I was at the top of my career as a banker in Fidelis bank, loved and respected by all.
The woman every man wants to have as a wife. I was black and beautiful, in my late twenties and the pressure to get married was getting much.
I met Obaloluwa, the dream man of every woman. He was handsome, rich and caring. That morning when he walked into the bank, I was in another world as I imagined myself being his wife. He took my number and we got talking later on. I was so happy when I knew he wasn’t married. He proposed to me, I accepted, we got married real quick.
Oba treated me like a queen. I never wanted my honeymoon to end but I had to resume work. He owned his own business so he could stay at home as long as he wanted.
I was happy to resume work on Monday and so were my colleagues.
I was dazed when I saw a credit alert from Oba later in the day- 2 million naira. I was sure it was a mistake. I asked him about it when I got home. ‘It wasn’t a mistake my darling. I just gave it to you, because you deserve more than that my queen’.
I was still surprised and excited until he said, ‘I just want something from you. I want you to tender your resignation letter and be a full housewife, I can’t have my wife working under anybody’. I must be dreaming. I had never thought of myself being a stay-at-home wife. I was a career woman, I could have a home and a career together. But Oba had made up his mind and no one could make him change it.
There was a turn around in my home. I hated his guts, he wasn’t talking to me. I was still going to work until one day when I got to the bank and I was told my husband sent my resignation letter through my e-mail stating that we both agreed on it and it has been approved. I was furious. ‘How could he?’
I confronted him when I got home and he said he’d already warned me but since I was stubborn, he had to do it himself. My world was crumbling before my eyes. I wept, I begged him but he wouldn’t change his mind.
I locked myself up in the guest room for days, weeks. I only came out when I heard the sound of his car going out.
‘Kemi!’ It was Tobi, my best friend. Obviously, he had called her when he tried to get me to come out to no avail. I opened for her to come in.
I was a mess as I had not had a hairdo since the day Oba sent my resignation letter. I only had my bath once in a while. I just stayed indoors. I was getting depressed. Tobi felt sorry for me.
She pleaded with Oba for me to learn cake baking in her shop. He agreed as he thought I would be happy going out. I was, but it was nothing compared to my career.
Few weeks into my ‘new job’, Oba was home when I was leaving and I was surprised at his reaction. I had never thought my husband was such a man. He complained about my dressing, that it was too much for just going to shop. He went to the extent of calling me a prostitute.
It was then I realized my husband was insecure, he was scared, he doesn’t trust me. He had been treating me bad because he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. He felt threatened by my success at my career and that was why he asked me to quit. He had insecurity issues and I was the victim of that.
Women go through this a lot in the hands of men, their husbands especially. He feels she wouldn’t respect him anymore once she reaches the top her career or business. He fears another man would take her if she dresses well to public places.
And then he has for a wife, a depressed, sad and angry woman, rather than the cheerful, beautiful woman she’s meant to be.
A lot of women have lost their self-esteem, their self worth this way.
This is to women who are going through or have gone through such terrible assaults from men. You are beautiful and intelligent. You shouldn’t allow any man to make you lose your worth. You are worth more than rubies or the most precious thing there is.
And to my single ladies, never allow the pressure to get married push you to marry just any man. You don’t want to get stuck with a man who is threatened by what you have become.
If a man feels threatened by your beauty or your success, he doesn’t deserve you in any way. You deserve a man who would love you for who you are, who would rise and make you rise as well.
You don’t have to throw away your worth and feel useless, because you’re not.
I am not encouraging women not to respect their husbands. But you shouldn’t lose your self-esteem or self-confidence.