PULL OVER (Episode 2)
Thanks for opening this chapter. I couldn’t wait for you to meet Manir.
It’s unedited too, bear with me, please.
Can I do this right?
Immediately I heard the doors creak, I knew she was in and I released the breathe I had been holding. I didn’t need to hear the creaking sound to know she would be around, I just know my girl. She would not give up on us. Since that night things went down, I have not been myself, but no one would believe me.
I looked up from my position on the couch and smiled at Zoya. I sincerely hope she could see it in the darkness and maybe not; she might read a different meaning to it or think I was smirking.
Zoya was looking lovely, always lovely. She was so lovely, that I could not help but feel possessive sometimes which made me do stupid things. I wouldn’t say it was the root of my possessiveness as I have dated lovelier, hotter and richer girls than her but because in all of my twenty-eight years, I had not felt this way. I have heard people talk about falling in love and doing things they didn’t know they were capable of but my case was different. I wanted what my parents had had, but I didn’t know it would wake up some insecurities and history I never knew I had.
She is mine or as it were, was mine right until I messed everything up and didn’t even give her a chance to say anything.
She had an intelligent mind soaked in a quirky attitude that made her the best drug for a down or boring day. She was stubborn, even arrogant, but it had not worked on me because I knew how to play on her mind and maybe because she loved me? The way we had met made it easier for me to conquer all her barriers and get into her head quickly as we knew each other inside out before our first actual meeting.
She needed to know. I have lied for too long and needed to let her know she was not the cause of whatever had happened between us. Even if she knew already, I wanted to be the one to tell her. It would be different if it came from me. Maybe she would forgive me and look past the drama. I wasn’t planning on letting her go. She was mine forever and my stupid insecurities should go and sulk. If she doesn’t want us, it would be fine; we would be friends and I would see how she would hold her ground for another relationship.
She had not moved from her position by the door like if anything untoward was to happen, she would bolt out. She was not bothered to hurry to the seat beside me, as she was wont to do whenever we got the opportunity to be together.
I caused this.
This is not my Zoya. My Zoya would have been by my side…
He was everything I wanted and still want in a man.
I am being pathetic. But really, I can’t even bring myself to physically reach out to him. I don’t want to believe I am scared of him. Why did I agree to come in the first place? This is awkward like crazy. My friends told me not to get close to him after all he had done but look at me, standing in his living room, a glutton for punishment. It’s not even up to two weeks yet.
Staring at his silhouette, my heart flips again, just like the first time we met. His presence always had an overwhelming feeling on me and still does. I still can’t believe I have one of Nigeria’s budding global changer was attracted to me, begging me to come over to his place, and me knowing stuff about him no one really knows. Hah! He was a wonderful package.
Besides his package – tall, dark-skinned, very pleasing to look at, phenomenal between the sheets and out of it which was what he loved, like a lot, and ambitious – was remarkable for a girl who wasn’t expecting much from the opposite sex. Along with the package was that he never really had my time and when he did, one thing or the other always came up. It was either me or him and many other unmentionables.
Before our fall out, he had been acting funny which had led to our outburst and my turmoil. We started courting three months ago and have known each other for over four years from a distance. Since we started doing what couples do together – visiting and going for events – he had not been comfortable with the setting.
He sometimes said mean and harsh things just to make me feel beneath him and emphasize on his contribution to the relationship, as though I was not giving my best too. It was as if he was the only one in the relationship. When it started, I thought he was just missing me, messing with my head and all that but when I tried to react – prove him otherwise with enthusiasm and feminine drama, he got all worked out.
… I’m for real, I’m for real
Girl, I want you to know that,
I’m for real
Girl, I want you to know that,
I’m for real, I’m for real
I’m for real
Girl, I want you to know that …
Standing up from the couch, I moved towards my future. If Muhammad wasn’t coming to the mountain; the mountain had to move to him. It took everything in me to walk over to her perching by my doorway.
As I stopped in front of her and moved to stretch out my arms, I notice a flash of caution in her eyes. I feel so stupid and deep in regrets right now. I did that to her, I broke her spirit. I hold out my arms and my eyes prodded her to step into them. Looking at our circumstances, it was the wrong thing to do, but I need to know if she still trusts me. The wariness in her eyes was not hard to miss as she stubbornly – by a thin thread – held her ground by not moving into my arms. Within a short time, we have spent together, I know her more than she can admit. If only my insecurities would listen to this part of me often back then.
She needed to hear it.
Girl, I want you to know that
When I look into your eyes I see
Nwane nkem mo
“I’m sorry.” My voice sounded forced.
It did not come out the way I had envisioned it would.
It had no effect whatsoever on her. She just looked away then brought her gaze back on me.
I try again but not before swallowing saliva to help lubricate my voice box and looking deep into her trusting eyes. I can see a tiny spark of hope for us there.
“Zoya, I am sorry.” I think I sounded more sincere than the last time.
She responded with a bright smile that pulled a smile from me. It gave me more hope about us than I had ever had and she ran – considering the two feet distance between us – into my arms.
Her scent hit me and the familiar mango flowery stuff she used on her hair invaded my senses.
I feel whole again.
He was trying to pass a message then.
…Girl, I want you to know that,
I’m for real.
All will be well again, I hope so…
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