FIVE THINGS YOU MUST CONSIDER BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
Marriage is a beautiful thing. Yes! It is. Growing up, most of us believed in fairy tales. We yearned for a forever after kind of love. A love that never rusts. A love that never shrinks. Yet, as the year went by, the concept of this enduring love faded even as the rate of divorce kept increasing.
Somehow, we are getting it wrong with marriage and whatever it is we are doing wrong can be corrected. Marriage was meant to last. It’s meant to be blissful. And just like everything, it has a beginning. The way we begin matters. The foundation of marriage is the most important aspect of marriage.
Today, I will unveil five ways you can build a stronger foundation for your marriage.
For many, the concept of premarital education is strange. They know formal education and understand the techniques of arithmetic. However, premarital education, that is education of individuals about marriage even before they are married seems to be a waste of time.
If a man loves a woman and the woman loves the man in return, that is enough. Love is all you need. They would always say.
Well, that’s not true. Love is not enough. Knowledge and information when combined with love endures.
We spend years in primary and secondary school till university learning how to earn a living yet we don’t spare a minute to learn how to live as married.
Marriage is a lifetime affair. You must be well armed to sail the waters. You must learn to read marriage books, attend seminars, listen to podcasts and learn what works and what doesn’t.
Marriage is between two adults and not two children. Come whole and mature! Be a whole individual. Leave your pains behind. Learn to heal. Be responsible for your joy. Your partner can make you smile, make you laugh, but lasting happiness, you alone must seek it out. Marriage should be two whole and happy individuals coming together to form a bigger, happier unit.
I know a woman who dated a man for 13 years and when they began to prepare for their big day, this woman began to fret. She had a hidden secret which she never wanted to share with him. She had a son out of wedlock 18 years before, but hid it, being afraid that he might leave if he ever found out. But on the eve of their introduction, the lady’s family decided that it would be unfair to hide this secret from the man. So, they called him and broke the news. He sucked it all in, looked at the woman and said that even though she had hidden this from him for 13 years, he loved her so much and was prepared to continue the journey with her.
Two months later, they married. And the man went ahead to adopt her son.
So, lies and secrets do not do any relationship good. Before you say I do, you must shed all your layers. You must come bare. Unlock all secrets. Let your partner know what he or she is coming for. Prepare them. Show them all the shades of you.
YES! We all pretend we do not care about this. The ladies would tell you, I love his muscles and his handsome face, that is all I need. The man would say, she has the body of a goddess and the face of Cleopatra, this will do.
Guess what? They don’t.
Six months down the line, the beauty you held onto will blur and the scales will fall off your eyes.
Every couple must tell each other the truth about their finances. When you know what you earn, you can know how to spend.
I know of a man who in a bid to get his dream queen, inflated his earnings. They lived in the costliest location in town and drove the best car but two months down the line, they sank to nothing. The man had been living on loans.
Determine your priorities. State your values. Align your interests. Talk about how your home will strive. Lay it down on the table. Put family first even as you carry the burden of career. Be there in the tiny moments that matter. Be there for the anniversaries. Be present for the birthdays. Be there for the kid’s graduations. Enjoy the moments that mark your lives. These little moments are those that link up to form a beautiful home.
These are few of the Things you must consider before you say I do.
Do you have other things that you believe one must consider before saying I do? Please leave them in the comments section below.
Meanwhile, I wish you love that will never fade.
By Chioma Ngaikedi