LifestylesRelationships

DON’T BE A MELINDA

*This is to Women-in-Love out there*

Recently, I watched the (in)famous movie, “Acrimony”, and—you see that scene where Mel poured acid into Diana’s wedding dress… Oh my God, I just can’t! I mean, despite that she did a lot of crazier things in that movie, the sheer absurdity if dowsing an expensive wedding dress in acid threw me.

What was she thinking? That they would be too poor to purchase yet another wedding gown?

Preposterous.

****

Look. I do not entirely blame Melinda. Nor do I isolate her to the ridiculous things that come with wounded love. We are all susceptible to doing crazy shit in the name of love. It doesn’t make any difference how strong we think we are, we are all susceptible to doing crazy or irrational things after a relationship ends. And it could be something like driving past an ex-boyfriend’s house late at night or frequenting their favourite hangout in hopes of running into them again. It could be making a phone call just to hear their voice and hanging up. Or maybe it’s just looking at their Facebook page to see what they have been up to.

Yet. We have to learn to resist these urges. We have to hold on to our sanity, the last shred of our self-respect. Instead, write a letter with all your feelings and don’t send it. The mere act of writing gets your feelings out of your head and heart and on paper, and helps release you from the crazy thoughts.

****

We all have a need for Love, Security and Significance. And we all want to feel loved by someone special. We all want the security of knowing we have a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes to wear and that we will have no threat of losing them. We all want to be significant to someone else. It doesn’t mean we have to be significant in the eyes of the world, but in the eyes of those closest to us.

So, if things are not working out, why not walk out honourably? Why not deal with your ego issues and step out of the heartbreak dazzlingly well?

Oh? You can’t seem to move on? You have this turgid faith in what you guys share?

Then work on it!

****

All relationships take effort to maintain. In an extraordinary relationship, the effort seems easy. Most of us put most of our effort into developing a new relationship and much less in maintaining it. When you stop making the effort, the relationship starts to fade and will eventually come to an end.

Dating is an adventure! Enjoy the journey and date consciously. Make thoughtful decisions about the people you date and the relationships you get into.

Don’t be a Melinda.

The most powerful women I know are still women. In public, they have a strong persona. In private, they still long to be loved, cherished and cared for. The most influential men I know also have a strong public persona. In private, they long to be appreciated, respected and loved.

****

Low self-esteem is the greatest adversary of a loving relationship. Low self-esteem makes one think they are not worthy or deserving of a great relationship. It causes them to settle for less than what they desire in a relationship and are not good enough for their soul mate. And since they are unsure or don’t believe in their ability to be loved, they may question their mate’s ability to love.

Fear keeps us in poor relationships! We are afraid of being alone. And we think we will never find anyone better than who we are with right now. We can’t make it on our own. We are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. What fears are keeping you in a poor relationship?

****

You live by the world view that you cannot have everything you want in your next relationship. That would be very selfish and self-centered! There is no such thing as a perfect person. People that choose to live by this belief fail to recognize that you don’t need to find a perfect person. What you have to search for is the perfect person for you!

We live with the belief that the perfect relationship is based on a feel good movie theme or romance novel. Unfortunately we don’t have the Hollywood script writers or romance novelists to write the perfect lines for us for every conversation or situation that arises. We need to understand that in any relationship, life happens! Good things and bad things will occur in everyone’s life. It is being able to deal with life events and communicate effectively that will help build a strong relationship.

I am still repeating it:

Don’t be a Melinda.

READ ALSO: GETTING OVER US

-AKINSANYA ADENIYI AYOSOJUMI

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