Relationships

HOW TO BOUNCE BACK AFTER A BREAKUP

“It’s over.” are the last words we want to hear from the lips of our special someone. It’s over hurts like a punch. It bruises like a wound. It’s over leaves you in a shithole, wondering how you can ever leap above the pain or strive towards life on your own.

“It is over” is always heartbreaking.

Often, when marriages break up, the separated partners find it hard to heal, especially the women. They wonder how they can forge ahead. How they can take care of the children. How they can earn a living and sustain themselves. Too many questions and very few answers. They often remain in this wilderness of darkness wondering when another savior will come.

***

For relationships, breakup is still the same. Hurtful. Tearful. Saddening. A certain boy has been in a relationship with his year one crush for two years. Everything was sailing smoothly. The love was true. They did everything together, went to classes together,hung out together. But in their final year, first semester, his girl met a young lecturer who was new in the school. He was young, intelligent, rich and handsome. The boy’s girlfriend fell for this lecturer. And slowly, the boy’s relationship began to die a slow death. She no longer picked his calls. And she avoided him in class. She no longer visited his hostel. So, he fought for her love.

***

He bought flowers, jewels, even spent his school fees to impress her. Yet, she would sit and gaze at him with hollow, piteous eyes. He knew the break up was looming. Even when he saw his girl kissing the lecturer in the car park, he held his rage and made excuses for her. He feared to raise the issue and provoke her to fling the break up words at him. But no matter how careful he was, a girl that is fed up is fed up.
On Saturday, 29th of July, she invited him to the basement behind the school library, exactly the spot where they had shared their first kiss. She looked into his eyes, tears shining in her eyes. Her fingers twisting the gems of her dress. She looked looked up at him and said…
“It’s over, Gerald!”

***

Her words felt like the slam of a door crashing into its frames. It felt like hammering of nails on a coffin and he, Gerald was within the said coffin.

He kicked and thrashed, cried and pleaded but she just stood on the tip of her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek, as she whispered – Goodbye, Gerald.

He watched her leave. Watched the swing of her knee length white gown. Watched the pink crystal brooch attached to her hair, a brooch he had given her last valentine. His heart sank as he watched her fade into darkness. He sank to his knees and let out deep painful cry.

***

That was the beginning of his death. School works became insignificant. He lost interest in football that he once loved. He just stalked his ex and her new lover, hiding behind shrubs and taking photos of them, hugging or kissing. Then, he locked himself in his room and wept. And one day when he couldn’t take it anymore, he tied a rope on his ceiling fan and dangled from above.

Gerald was not the first one in history to die for love. Romeo died for love. Jesus died for love. Several have died for love. But I would rather see people live for love. What can you do to ease the pains of heartbreak? Or what can you do to get your life back again? What can you do to heal, strive and bloom more than ever?

These are three simple steps to can take to revamp your life and bounce back after a break up.

***

1. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF

In our bids to love another, we often forget how to love ourselves. Consider a break up as a little reminder that you are the only one who deserves your undying love. Take the time to know yourself. Pamper yourself. Take yourself out. Buy you a gift. Change your negative self talks. Tell yourself sweet things. The kind you would tell your lover. Tell yourself how much you love you. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Or tell yourself how talented and intelligent you are. Say sweet things to yourself and believe it. Build the broken pieces of your esteem.
Love yourself truly because that’s the root to true happiness.

***

2. DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE AND PURSUE IT.

Love is hardly a purpose. We all fall in love at one point in our lives but helping your lover strive is not your purpose. Find your purpose. Be serious with it. Let your lover know that you have a dream. Martin Luther’s life was not all about lying in the bed and kissing his wife. That was part of it but he had something bigger. Something grander. He wanted to liberate the black Americans. MLK wanted to crush racism. He fought night and day. And even when he died, he is still remembered today.

So, Mr lover boy or miss lover girl, find your purpose. Fight to achieve your dreams. Have goals and claim them. Channel your fury, pain and aches towards your goals and watch how they materialize.

***

3. CHANGE YOUR LOOKS

A break up calls for rebranding. Have you become stale? Or has your style gone south? Have you become uninteresting? Or have you become just another face in the crowd? Then, it is time to change your looks. Take pleasure in your appearance. Build your image. Wear better clothes. Neater clothes. Be well put together. When you look better, you feel better. And feeling better should be your aim after a break up.

I wish you the very best, my friend.

READ ALSO: ON COMPATIBILITY, OR NONE

Written by Chioma Ngaikedi.

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