Courtship is the junction before getting into the never stopping van which is marriage. With the alarming rate of divorce in the society, it’s imperative to go back and review courtship. It’s important we realize the importance of courtship and how it can help reduce the rate of divorce cases in this present time.
While in courtship, you must ask yourself many questions, and always consider these before tying the knot.
1. Core values.
This is the heart of everyone, it determines their character, faith and personality. These things never change.
It is very important that you know what kind of person you’re going to get married to.
This includes what they believe is right or wrong. You don’t want to marry someone who believes that women are subjects. Or someone who doesn’t do charity at all. This might be as a result of how he/she was raised.
You also have to know if your faith and theirs are in sync, you mustn’t necessarily marry some who believes in exactly what you do. But at the very least let it not be too far apart or contradictory.
If your core values are not similar, you’ll end up fighting over everything and decision in your marriage.
Maybe you believe abortion is right and your spouse doesn’t. They’ll begin to see you as a murderer.
2. Career and Ambition.
It is not when you get married before you begin to quarrel with your spouse about how demanding their jobs are. You need to know what you’re getting into .
Every relationship or marriage need financial security but if your career and ambition begin to blossom and takes you far from your family. It can be demanging.
So you need to discuss how to deal with success and failure in your careers.
You might be a small business owner and a decade later you might be a tycoon. How that affects your marriage, totally depends on how you guys have discussed and trashed the matter during courtship.
It is clear that we have been told in church to avoid pre-marital sex. Thank God.
However, I don’t think it’s wrong to have pre-marital sex discussions. But who are we kidding? Most of us have premarital sex a lot. Which is good because it gives you first hand information of what you’ll be having for the rest of your life.
But for those of us who opt to remain chaste, you better start having “The Sex Talk”. Ask your partner to be, how they like it, how many times they want to have sex, what turns them on etc. Try to be as open and honest as possible because you don’t want to go in clueless.
My advice though is that, have the sex talk over the phone or on social media platforms. Having such conversations in person can most probably lead to another thing that you may or may not regret.
This a crucial topic to discuss. What kind of people are your in-laws. Women are always at the bitter end of this.
Sometimes your in-laws might just be minions of the devil sent to make your life hell. Or it could just be that you don’t know how to relate with them.
This is where your partner comes in, ask them to teach you how to interact with their family. They are not obligated to like you, you partner is the only one who is. So you need to make them like you.
Now, you have to know whether your partner is tied to his family so much that he’d put them over you. If that’s the case, then you better be on your way because they’ll wreck your marriage so bad you’ll wish you never said I Do.
5. Financial security.
Who’s working and what are they doing is another topic to discuss.
Money is the third crucial thing in life next to God and probably love. So you have to discuss how to get and spend it.
You don’t want to marry someone with dreams, who doesn’t put food on the table. Dreams are okay, but while you dream at night, you should work during the day.
If you both work, then plan how to spend it wisely. It has to be a mutual agreement or else you’ll keep blaming your spouse for wasting all your money. If it’s a joint account you want, then discuss it before your husband imposes it on you.
You can also allocate financial responsibilities on each other, depending on how much you earn individually.
6. Family planning. I have a friend who said that he wants just seven children. Just seven, who does that anymore.
This one must be trashed as soon as you know that you’re actually getting married. Both of you need to know how many kids you want to have.
Some people have fantasies about having a football team of children. Some are in an absurd competition with their siblings. Because their sister or brother has six, so they just want to beat them by having double. It becomes a selfish game.
Some ladies don’t even want to have kids because of some ridiculous reasons. So you see why this is crucial to the survival of your marriage.
Now what about barrenness? What if you’re not fertile or your spouse is impotent. Tell each other the truth so that you resolve to other means. Like adoption or artificial insemination. Whatever helps. This will spare you disgrace.
Finally most people aren’t sure of their fertility so if you discuss this sooner, you can both get tested before marriage. No one wants to discover that they can’t have kid after 15years of marriage.
Read also KNIVES, BLOOD & ROPES
Note: There are more things to settle during courtship, but these six will help you have a wonderful life if they are properly handled.
Written by Frederick Daniel.